so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
