Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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