Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
