Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
