Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
