So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
