I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
