I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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