she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
