After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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