i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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