Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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