So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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