So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
