Capitaan dildo arrescate!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
