I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
