So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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