oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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