Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
