I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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