can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
