no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Randomize
