I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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