come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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