I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize