She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
