just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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