Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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