I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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