Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
