I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize