ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
