I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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