i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
