I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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