the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
