:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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