He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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