2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
