how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
