i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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