I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
