Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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