I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
