If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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