Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
