No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sext me about skeletons
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
