woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize