He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
