apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
