we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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