In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
