the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
