Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
