Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
