question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
