Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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