he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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