This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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