I wannas sexs uuuuu
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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