Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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