Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
