I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
