no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
