Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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