so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Found your dick twin last night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
