Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
