Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
