I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
