Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
4 words: hood of his car
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
