the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
