How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
