forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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