i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
