Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
