im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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