alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
